Wednesday, September 30, 2009

TV Series - The good, the bad, the ugly

No you are wrong. This is not a new TV series. This not even a review. Its more of a rant. A rant that goes to all those bad TV series out there. Those that you have to watch because you are too lazy to get up and change the channel. Those that your fat wife forces you to watch. Those that you watch and then realize "what in the world is that?".

Fortunately though, there's always the possibility to change the channel. And if that is not enough, you probably have a crap TV provider.

During my entire life, I have known a million TV series that were so crap, that before changing the channel, I'd pray that the remote control batteries were not dead. And I have to say, most of them came from a place, called India. These shows are something special. To sum it up, if Friends was a car it'd be a Mini Cooper, simple, old but still a classic. If any Indian TV series was to ba a car it'd be an oxcart, complicated to make, not very impressive, stinky and sooo Indian.

You might say that I am being unfair and that I am providing to facts to back up my points. I plead guilty. Not for long though, because I am about to make a list of all the things in Indian TV series that defy science, mankind, society and every thing else:
  1. They tend to complicate things. The stories in these show are pretty straight forward. The girl likes the guy. But instead of wearing a leather suit and knocking the guy's door at midnight, she convinces the man to marry her neighbor, who's to-be husband just ran away. That way she can lead an unhappy life and pray all day and night and get the appraisal of all the women gathered by the town well.
  2. They have too much luck. India has to be the luckiest place. A man gets shot on his chest, falls in a lake of water, gets carried away and is found by a blind man the next morning. The blind ban cures him. How did he manage to not die while having a midnight bath in freezing water with bullets all over his chest? The water was pure because the old man's daughter used to pay there every morning. But they never told you that the old man was pissing in that same water.
  3. They all pray. Each episode has like 10 minutes of prayer. Seriously, it's like watching Ashton Kutcher praying live from the Riverside Church of New York. Funny part, my grandma puts her hands together and starts praying along too.
  4. They are all unhappy. They must be suffering from paradoxical dysfonctionnement or I-forgot-my-wife-at-the-shopping-mall-rythis. All these series have one thing in common. They show people having good manners, good habits, good faith, good money and good everything. The parody is they are always unhappy. It's almost like they show you the life someone who abides by the law and by all moral standards, but that someone is unhappy because some other someone is trying to date his wife. And since he has stopped being naughty with his wife, he feels threatened because he has no bargaining power.
  5. They never relax. No never. Guy sees someone snatching off a chick's bag. He runs after the thief. Courageous? No that's called insanity. You see, if I were to steal someone's purse, I would bring along a my mother's kitchen knife set. So I could chop that someone who thinks he's too courageous in perfect cubes. To come back to the guy wanting to impress that chick, if I were him, I'd comfort the girl. Running behind a thief then getting lost because you never wandered around (cause you were praying all day) is not a good idea.

By now you get the idea, I hope. Now all you need to do is to not watch those TV series. In my opinion, the only reason one would want to watch these would be to move back in time. I for one start making prehistoric noises after watching 5 minutes of those...